Figure out why you want to
talk to your mom
To fill in a memory?
Talk about her health? Resolve a disagreement? Gain or earn approval?
Turn Your Reason Into an
I want to talk to my mother about ____________________(her health, my adoption, etc.).
Purpose and clarity will help you stay focused if the conversation becomes difficult or
gets off track.
Practice Active Listening
Suspend judgment, Let Mom finish
her sentences, acknowledge what she says, and ask open-ended questions that give you more
information than a yes-or-no answer.
Establish a Positive Direction
The best way to start a
dialogue is to state your intention in optimistic language. For example, I really
appreciate when you tell me whats going on for you.
It makes it easier for me to be honest with you.
Choose the Best Time and Location to Begin
Your timing is as individual as your relationship
theres no perfect time or place.
Consider optimal timing for both of you, and try to anticipate an occasion (i.e.
birthday, holiday) when goodwill and warmth may open the communication channels. If the
perfect time never seems to appear, watch for a spontaneous moment in a conversation. They
always show up if youre prepared.
your intuition to guide you.
Imagine a Positive Outcome Before You Talk with Her
Even the best of relationships can be strained by the tension one or both people feel when
they start to discuss difficult topics. Visualize yourself asking your questions in a
relaxed way, and see your mother responding easily and lovingly. Even if this seems
impossible, keep trying. Your energy positive or negative will shape your
the Best Way to Record Your Mothers Answers
There are several options the important
thing is to do it. You can: give your mother
a gift of stationery, and include your first letter in the box; use a handheld
audiocassette recorder, and ask mom to record her answers at leisure; videotape her; talk
in person and record your thoughts in a journal within an hour after youve been
together; talk on the phone and record her voice on your answering machine.
from My Mother, My Friend introduction
, pages 17-25
The 4 Things Mom Really Want
for Mother's Day
6 Tips for Perfect Praise with Mom on Mother's Day
to Celebrate Your Mom on
Questions to Ask Your Mom on Mother's Day
the Nicest Thing You Can
Say to Her
To schedule an interview, call (858)
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MY MOTHER, MY FRIEND
The Ten Most Important
Things to Talk About With Your Mother
A Fireside Original/Simon & Schuster Trade Paperbacks
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